Now, I know that the R0b0tninja seldom breaches the topics of Robots and pro-audio, but I must make an exception: Ninja Gaiden Sigma is the most accurate depiction of a R0b0tninja’s lifestyle that I have seen thus far. The Hagakure, the Book of Five Rings, the Tao: all of these have attempted to give a framework for the robotic pan-asiatic ninja warrior’s mindset. So far, unfortunately, none have correctly depicted our skill sets as aptly as the latest Ninja Gaiden, released for the completely ridiculous and financially unfeasible PS3 game console prefecture.
In the latest installment in a series that, like all true Robotninjas, began life as an 8-bit rendering, you play as Ryu, a ninja (and possible robot–it takes place in the future), who somehow begins his journey in ancient Japan. His village is destroyed by a black samurai (with a purple cape, so, not just black, but also clearly Black). In revenge, he explodes the black samurai’s blimp after first exploding a grotesque cyborg that shoots lightening. It gets better.
You take the time to learn ninja magic, wield multiple swords, and to use the numchucks (spelled here in their original ancient pronunciation). Infiltrating the black samurai’s block in, what I assume is some kind of ninja city, you spend most of your time killing shit, like soldiers on motorcycles with rocket-launchers. This may be the first game to make decapitation a matter of such little concern, as you literally murderate everything you come in contact with.
Gamespot gave this game a 9 overall, but I would have to give it a 999–as a ninja and robot, I am always talking to my robotninja colleagues about the lack of fair and accurate portrayals of our kind in the media. People are always going on about our deadliness and limited applications in the “real world”, where instant decapitation isn’t always an option. It’s nice to finally see some fair and balanced representation, where our sometimes inappropriate needs for vengeance and ninja-magic are finally given a chance to be understood. If you don’t mind shelling out like 500 dollars for a PS3, and then another 60 bucks for the game, by all means, see the world through my eyes, if only for a moment: you will never be disappointed.
That’s right, my most illustrious ninjas–the pro-status DAW used by countless studios, post-production firms and sound designers is back for more. This latest version features a new space-time compressor (elastic time), heightened compatibility with the AVID video editor, and (most impressively to this robot/ninja), the AVID satellite option, which allows you to use a separate, dedicated computer to house your non-audio media files. Several billion man-hours are wasted every day by those seeking to peep their exported movies (with sound)–this option allows one to preview said movies in full form without the hassle of exporting them to disk.
Now, while several of these features are brand new to Protools users, allow me to take this opportunity to point out that both the elastic time feature and the ability to preview movie files with sound have both been available to LIVE users as of version 6. This satellite feature, however, does promise to take the strain off of your computer’s processor (assuming you have another, dedicated, computer on the side), and I will not lie: the R0b0tninja seethes with poisonous jealousy at those who can afford such a powerful and expansive set-up. My non-robotic eyeball boils in consternation.
for any of my ninjas who can tell the difference between these 100 dollar Monster cables, and these 8,000 dollar Pear “anjou” cables. I’m not the one putting up the money, so send all experiential evidence to this man, and the bounty will be yours. Then you might be able to afford a couple of these bad boys, or at least some of these. My R0b0tninja patience, while limitless, runs thin for these bourgeois playthings–real pro audio ninjas have no time for such nonsense. The R0b0tninja scoffs indifferently at the foolishness of mankind once more.
Reason 4 is out now myninjas–and you know what kind of mythological beasts it employs in its everyday workings. Combined with a new arpeggiator, groove module, and midi sequencer, Reason 4 promises to elevate minds, educate the children and motivate the masses. All hyperbole aside, humanity may have just given birth to yet another tool that could ultimately lead to its destruction, like artificial intelligence or the military industrial complex. R0b0tninjas worldwide unite–only through self-mastery and enhanced understandings of Reason will light burn through the darkness and the balance of the universe be maintained. As I would say.
For any ninjas seeking to bone up on their orchestral composing skills, myninjas at Audio Impressions have developed a software/hardware midi orchestra called REALTIME STRINGS that allows you to do just that. While there are many orhcestral sample banks and midi instruments available, never before has such an apex in sound quality (192 khz samples, full dynamic and expressive range, Stradivarius violin recordings, etc.) been reached, nor at such an intuitively correct level. From the site:
Because each stand is sampled separately, you can change the size of your string ensemble, for example, from a solo to a quartet, a chamber group or a 70-piece symphonic string section and anything in between. This ability to select and de-select players on-the-fly without loading new samples is a breakthrough. While it might seem complex to use, in fact controlling a DVZ®-RT string section (or any part of the REALTIME INSTRUMENTS libraries) is very simple; each players (or desks) MIDI channeling is handled internally so the end user never has to be concerned with it.
The R0b0tninja himself does not care for classical ensemble music, which he finds crude and offensive. Nonetheless, he is intrigued by this architecture–rather than allowing users to muddy-up their sound by playing too many instruments at once with too many voices, realtime strings divides the notes between virtual players, simulating what an actual orchestra might sound like. Undoubtedly, most of myninjas will be defeated by the $12,000 price tag and $3,500 deposit. But for any true ninja disciple that is also a robot, the only price you’ll ever really pay is in death. R0b0tninja bless.
Now that you have been given so much sonic ammo, you ask, what weapon do I use to unleash them, my R0b0tninja? How could I possibly utilize a site with endless drumloops and samples, if I have no arena in which to detonate them simultaneously?
Well, the answer to your question, my ninja-padewan learner, is many-faceted in nature, as recent global events have triggered a massive outpouring of DAWs for you to choose from. Logic, Pro tools, Reason, Cakewalk, Digital Performer, Acid music, Cubase…a ninja can go on. Out of all of these possibilities, however, only one rises to the top of the R0b0tninja’s milk–a quickly growing firm named Ableton, whose program, LIVE, provides the most powerful ass-blasting technology known to r0b0tninja-kind.
But what reason do I have to believe, you surely ask. Well, the R0b0tninja keeps a low profile, for obvious reasons, and his opinion, while crucial, are not legally bound. Perhaps Pete Townshend or maybe El-P[roducto] can convince you, while I continue to make mine manifest.
such as myself is all over the place these days, and sometimes only require a quick free registration. My favorite one, for reasons I will soon describe, is called the freesound project–I think they’re swedish or something. There’s another one called Musopen, but that’s mostly public domain classical music, and lacks the breadth of freesound.
And for my cyl0n bredren, there exists a fabled BSG site that lets you download random video and audio clips to produce your own chapter [in the epic tome, Battlestar Galactica]. The cyl0ns bust out some serious weaponry, not pictured here:
Indeed, freesound provides humans and robots alike with the ample cannon fodder and beat blasting potentials usually reserved for the godbody and its constituents. Seldom is there a confluence of such random and esoteric sounds, from movies and synthesizers to atmospheric and ambient arches. The samples are in .aiff and .wav formats, occasionally mp4, but that shouldn’t stop you–with the right program, a ninja can feel free to expand in whatever ninjaverse he or she finds themselves in. This is especially true for the random select function, a link that delivers on all of its promises; and that is all that your R0b0tNinja asks.
To my ninjas to whom it may concern,
Those of us blessed with the use of Propellerhead’s Reason know about its powerful audio synthesis capabilities. The Proton refill pack extends that sonic blast-power (if you will) by several orders of magnitude. The Proton’s highly radioactive nature is such that I have no choice but to introduce the [R0b0tninja sample site], a conceptual heat-sink of examples of the Proton’s might, and any other instruments on its level of destruction.
For your consideration, I have posted three samples of the Proton, without any effects, hopefully describing the auditory ass-blasting that results from its containment. I say containment, of course, because you can’t really stop the Proton: containing the blast is the most that humanity can ever hope for.
In each of these samples, I have tried to musically express the wide range of the instrument [and as we all know, while true essence can be pursued, it can only be attained in the robo-celestial realm]. The bounds of space-time only allow a small channel through which one can work, and the Proton seems to anticipate this–by using the combinator within Reason, Proton effectively channels multiple soundscapes through a single channel, offering a rich depth of musical textures. When you add effects to it, prepare yourself for some higher interdimensional understanding, as I, R0b0tNinja, will tell you.
Recently a certain japanese robotics lab developed a new form of robot sentinel, the nemisis of all robot-ninjakind. Taken alongside the recent developments in Spain, outsiders to the world of ninjas and robots can almost catch a glimpse of their near future, which is of course, the robot-ninja’s present. Witness the physical prowess of this beast of the apocalypse and imagine two high-calibur, laser-beam assault-rifles on top of it–that’s the kind of shit I’m generally expected to manhandle in the course of my robot-ninja day.
Yamaha, the world’s leading producer of the robot ninja’s arsenal have announced the coming of Tenori On, a hand-held visual step sequencer that is incredibly trippy to behold (probably some kind of distraction, like the glowing lure of some deep-sea monstrosity). Nevertheless, witness the immense powers that this thing seems to have, and I will berate my overlords at Yamaha to give me one out of solidarity for the cause. Robot ninja away!
