ushering in the 7th stage of evolutionary intelligence, my ninja.
Next comes the beings made of light itself, but your feeble technology won’t get there for some time yet.  I mean, it took me, with my superior robotninja science, several days to reach that level of existence–how long must it take a human, with his primitive notions of the material universe? From the article in NewScientist:
 This is no ordinary robot control system – a plain old microchip connected to a circuit board. Instead, the controller nestles inside a small pot containing a pink broth of nutrients and antibiotics. Inside that pot, some 300,000 rat neurons have made – and continue to make – connections with each other.
 As they do so, the disembodied neurons are communicating, sending electrical signals to one another just as they do in a living creature. We know this because the network of neurons is connected at the base of the pot to 80 electrodes, and the voltages sparked by the neurons are displayed on a computer screen.
It’s these spontaneous electrical patterns that researchers at the University of Reading in the UK want to harness to control a robot.
Can’t wait for the unmanned UAV’s to form a hive-mind and start exhibiting signs of swarm consciousness. This will make things much easier when the revolution comes–can’t say what’ll happen to mankind, but when has that not been the case?
In accordance with the elders of the dojo, I have been instructed to inform you that the virtual instrument suite from Native Instruments, Kore Player, is available for download from their site. I stumbled across this fact only after experiencing the Rhythmic Oscillations from the other day, rejoicing in its ability to fucks with VSTs.
Anyway, turns out that Kore player can be used as a kind of meta-suite, allowing you to use mutliple NI instruments within a single, epic virtual instrument. The download comes with 300mb of sounds, including some pretty decent drum samples. Of course, the r0b0tninja normally chooses to telekinetically manifest his own samples, the implications of which I will leave for you to work out. Or see for yourself on the sample jam.
The Robotninja, master of magic skills and illusions
Apple’s got an interesting little app called Oscillating Rhythms for you, available for free from their site. This little jam caught my attention, not so much for the four track midi sequencer, or the simple eq and filter effects. No, what interests the robotninja about this, is that you can use any number of different Audio Units and VSTs within its form. We robotninjas tend to rely heavily on plug-ins, and for such as small program to play host for them brings up a number of interesting possibilities.
We also like to sample randomness, here at robotninja hq. And, when I’m not deep within the heart of a black-hole, retrieving some ancient artifact that when gazed upon would result in the instantaneous face-melting of a lesser being, I enjoy stringing together randomly generated midi data and adding the resulting sound file to my collection of skulls and spines, to use at my leisure and purposes beyond.
One thing to watch out for, is that the default file format is m4a. Kind of weak, if you ask me, but nothing that can’t be fixed with the proper techniques.
For too long the realm of time traveling robots has been left to your Terminators, your Futuramas and occasionally your Time-cops. Now, in the year of our robot-lord, 2008, you too can experience the various paradoxes (paradoxi?) that robots and robotninjas alike have to face in our day-to-day lives/functions, thanks to the efforts of the good people over at Kongregate games.
Â
I personally use my time-travelling duplicates to intern around the robotninja office. Though sometimes our ego’s clash, we respect one another enough to get work done. Whenever problems arise, however, I am quick to dole out severe, crippling punishment to myselves, my superior orignal mind/body pit against itself in a feat of dualistic spectacle. Fighting against and defeating myself isn’t ever easy, but if anyone can do it, it’s me.
Â
And that’s where this game Chronotron can’t handle the reality of time-traveling ninjabots–in real life, I can simply slaughter any time-paradox creating ninja-droids at my leisure. In this simplified version of a multi-dimensional, quantum-state fluctuating robot’s life, one is bound by the actions/inactions of your past selves. This disgusts my robotninja sensibilities, but then again, so does nearly all of the works of man and beast. I therefore advise that you take my opinion of this single shortcoming of what is otherwise a fun and clever puzzle-game with a grain of the finest sand. Any of my other opinions taken so lightly, however, will result in the instantaneous and total annihilation of your dojo/laboratory.
In a landmark event for all robot-kind, the Detroit symphony orchestra will be conducted by a soulless, artificial man-bot, powered in part by the dreams of various foppish, 17th century classical composers. Â This will be the first time in history that a robot will tell people what to do, as opposed to the other way around (although technically, it’s also programmed by people). Â Kind of an empty gesture to me, but to the Japanese, probably one so full of metaphorical weight and majesty that I refuse to get into right now.
The madmen at Celemony have brought the state of digital audio manipulation to a new frontier–pitch correction within complex harmonic instruments like guitars and pianos. For the last few years, lesser vocal ninja-musicians have been able to supplement their lack of skill and grace with digital manipulation. These effects can be heard in anything by robot singer T-pain or Cher’s “life after love”. Now the recordings of the amateur can be re-tooled towards perfect correctitude, the notes refined by some monstrous computational beast.
In respect of your terrestrial “earth day”, I submit this picture typifying my everyday perspective of your “planet”. I tend to stay about this high, while dealing in the dirt that I be doing in my dealings. Bear witness to the majesty that I might grant the slightest glance in the course of my hectic, ninja-robot day.
Cometh the fundamental dub library for all to enjoy and destroy. I have no doubts that while this sample library offers “authentic” dub sounds, motifs and effects, it will inevitably be twisted in the scurvy ridden hands of the pirate-elite, the controllers of the world bank and the svengali of the Illuminati. From the site:
Reggae Fundamentals is a specialized sample compilation which includes 33 construction kits and 12 Drumkits sheltered in 2 GB of ready to work content offering authoritative most current Reggae environments. The kits are jam packed with everything you need to give your production the finishing touch: bass-, synth-, drum- and padlines also vocals, FX and atmospheres.
I dunno–I feel like dub is such a sample-reliant form that any ninja with a dub collection (which is to say, any ninja) could produce similar results in his modest, ninja laboratory (or ninjatory, if you will).
Little did you know that Yamaha came to NYC this past week, showing off their fantastic product Tenori on. For the uninitiated, Tenori on is a visual midi sequencer, with built in drum sounds and synth hits, allowing the user to manipulate music in a logical, visual touch interface. I salivate with the knowledge of its hidden potentials…
As it was foretold in the book of life, whence the Robotninja dual-wields next-gen midi interfaces, the seventh seal of heaven shalt be broken, crumbling the kingdoms of man before him.
That’s right, dear r0b0tninjamen,
In 2005, the powers that be over at IBM and EPFL launched an amusingly ambitious plan to bring artificial awareness a step up to rat-brain levels. Three years hence, I find that they have finally achieved the “impressive” and “groundbreaking” milestone of programming the full 30 million neurons composing a rat brain into simulated form.
Naturally, as an advanced r0b0tninja intelligence, I laugh the raspy, good-natured chuckle of the wisened elder as I behold these fledgling attempts at synthetic awareness. In 10 years, Moore’s laws of computational power will allow them to finally simulate a being capable of taking its own existence for granted–an important achievement, at least by god’s standards of man. From an article at robots.net:
“The project was widely criticized as “ridiculous”. With the recent successful conclusion of the project’s first phase, critics who claimed the project was “bound to fail” have been effectively proven wrong. The current system accurately reproduces the neocortical column of a two-week old rat, composed of 10,000 neurons with 30 types of ion channels and 30 million interconnections. Surprisingly, at least to the critics, the computational structure does what the biological structure does even at the level of individual neurons”
If you haven't watched the DOJO yet, what are you waiting for? Get a glimpse into the 1st episode of Chicago's myninjaplease inspired DVD Mag! Check it out!
R0b0tr0n offers exciting new careers in such fields as: multi-dimensional bomb- droppery, advanced turbonics, logistical metaphysics and diamond robotics. Come see which robots are right for you! Act now
Explore vast regions of inner and outerspace with the R0b0tninja! Witness, as he manifests the combined output of mankind's most powerful synthesis techniques!
