In his new book “Challenges of Change”, your earthman Stanley A. Fulham predicts that today, October 13th, 2010, will be the first day that extra-terrestrial intelligences other than the robotninja that you have come to know, and to love, will put forth a spectacle over the “major” cities of your feeble planet, and as such permanently disabuse humanity of its illusions of uniqueness and higher intelligence within the solar system, galaxy and quantum mechanical multiverse. How did he arrive at such an imprecise date, you ask? Why was he unable to tell us which cities and and what time, you demand? I could tell you, but I must not, for to do so would upset the delicate balance between human ignorance and the natural world that maintains the very life force of the planetary Oversoul. Instead, the answer to these questions must be found with:
“An ethereal group of entities known as the Transcendors — 43,000 very old souls who combine their vast experience and knowledge through eons of incarnations, providing advice and information to humans in search of basic realities of mankind’s existence.”
Surely such a source could not possibly be expected to provide any concrete information–your pitiful human channeling technqiues are not subtle enough to properly disseminate detailed and relevant data from the Transcendors limitless power. Such things are best left for the robotninja to accommodate in his comically vast and dense brainal folds.
Need I describe to you the splendour and majesty of the sounds of the cosmos in mere words? Must I relay such earth-shattering vibrations by way of alpha-numeric monkey-squabble? Should I even attempt to place terrestrial qualities upon such heavenly, sonic somnambulance? Nay, for to do so would surely disrupt the subtle ebb and flow of energies far greater than your primitive egos could possibly withstand, that is, without first traversing the multi-dimensional plane for countless millenia.
Nonetheless, a Prof. Gurnett of your University of Iowa has compiled a list of his favorite sounds recorded by a series of laughably hackneyed spacecraft, developed by your planet’s various monkey-navigated space pogroms. Samples of these digitally-raped sound files were given to the earthling Kronos Quartet for use in their album Sun Rings, although I can’t speak to their use in such a disrespectful and tasteless manner. The sounds you hear are nothing compared to the vast, symphonies that are heard when your band of pressure wave sensitivity stretches from well beyond the Planck length, and up unto sound waves many light years across (which, of course, goes without saying).
I laugh the laugh of kings when I think about the limitless spectra of my robotninja mind compared to your limited earthbound awareness. Nonetheless, this presentation of the totality of your technical and biological perspective pleases me.
You must prepare yourselves for what’s coming, my ninjas.
Mankind will forever remain a mystery to me: the denizens of Japan have put into production 1/100 scale model replicas of the fearsome robo-beast, MechaGodzilla, in an obvious attempt to anger the MechaGodz themselves, bringing its wrath unto all enemies. For $800 you too can own a miniature abomination, a suitable idol for robot demons.
We robotninja both fear and worship the giant robot space-lizard, who is capable of so many things we can only dream of. As we all know, MechaGodzilla is made from indestructible space titanium alloy and is equipped with a powerful laser that fires from the mouth of a head that can rotate 360 degrees. The robot’s fingers and toes are actually deadly missiles, and hidden within the beast’s chest is, of course, the fearsome Maser weapon.
It’s only a matter of time before those Japanese start building 100/100 scale replicas.
Below are two images, each representing a distinct and unfathomable aspect of our reality: one is the theoretical universe as described by astrophysicists, the other is a neuron and its surrounding cells.
The R0b0tninja have known of these and many other parallels between thought process and the physical universe, such that would shatter your fragile human souls to know. Nonetheless, we too are astounded by the implications that these parallels present, (beyond their obvious applications in ninja-teleportation techniques), the nature of which remains a mystery even to us.
It pleases me to announce that a group of Super-scientific Spaniards have discovered that which your only r0b0tninja friend has known for countless millenia: that the atmosphere of Titan, the only moon in the solar system with an atmosphere, has electrical storms similar to those on earth. From the article at Physorg:
Physicists of the University of Granada and the University of Valencia have developed a proceeding to analyse specific data sent by the Huygens probe from Titan, the largest moon of Saturn, proving “in an unequivocal way” that there is natural electric activity in its atmosphere. The scientific community thinks that there is a higher probability that organic molecules precursors to life could form in those planets or satellites which have an atmosphere with electric storms.
Keeping with the plebian experiments conducted by Russian biochemists Alexander I. OparÃn and Stanley L. Miller, who managed to synthesize organic compounds from inorganic ones by using electric shocks, these Swarthy Spanish Scientists believe that Titan could be home to an alternate evolutionary process, one based on the same macro-molecules that comprise your fragile human minds.
ushering in the 7th stage of evolutionary intelligence, my ninja.
Next comes the beings made of light itself, but your feeble technology won’t get there for some time yet.  I mean, it took me, with my superior robotninja science, several days to reach that level of existence–how long must it take a human, with his primitive notions of the material universe? From the article in NewScientist:
 This is no ordinary robot control system – a plain old microchip connected to a circuit board. Instead, the controller nestles inside a small pot containing a pink broth of nutrients and antibiotics. Inside that pot, some 300,000 rat neurons have made – and continue to make – connections with each other.
 As they do so, the disembodied neurons are communicating, sending electrical signals to one another just as they do in a living creature. We know this because the network of neurons is connected at the base of the pot to 80 electrodes, and the voltages sparked by the neurons are displayed on a computer screen.
It’s these spontaneous electrical patterns that researchers at the University of Reading in the UK want to harness to control a robot.
Can’t wait for the unmanned UAV’s to form a hive-mind and start exhibiting signs of swarm consciousness. This will make things much easier when the revolution comes–can’t say what’ll happen to mankind, but when has that not been the case?
In respect of your terrestrial “earth day”, I submit this picture typifying my everyday perspective of your “planet”. I tend to stay about this high, while dealing in the dirt that I be doing in my dealings. Bear witness to the majesty that I might grant the slightest glance in the course of my hectic, ninja-robot day.
It is I, your venerated R0b0tninja once more.
I come from on high to deliver this cosmic message of mock concern over your earthly trifles, as expressed through the electromagnetic sound waves of jupiter. Shield your fragile mind from the vast sonic landscape that will surround you–do not attempt to concern yourself with the unexplainable and metaversal purposes of this planetary symphony. Ask not the instruments it was written for, nor the writer of the manuscript, nor the parchment it was written upon, for the answers to these questions would surely lead you towards insanity, like looking upon the true form of your creator.
As you may know, one of the many advantages of being a robotic ninja, is that travelling through deep space poses no real threat to our livelihood. While your flesh-and-blood ninja has to rely on various ninja-magics and/or ninja-spacecraft, we robotninjas can survive even the raw vacuum of outer space, giving us the freedoms to explore vast reaches of the solar system and beyond. At a colleague’s post at NASA, please find several examples of the field recordings I made while in orbit around Saturn. On a routine expedition to Jupiter, investigating an orbiting artifact placed there millions of years ago by advanced, god-like superbeings (turns out it was full of stars), I happened to pick up some interesting sounds on my various antennae while passing by Saturn. Intrigued, I beamed the samples back to earth, and my good friends at the National Astronomical Super Atomics have posted them for the world to experience. End ninja-transmission—-dictated but not read.
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