Pianobot 9000

Yes, my baroque and classically trained ninjas

The time of times that has been foretold in countless ancient scrolls is once again upon us–now, in the era of the kali-yuga, we are to witness sights and wonders, announcing to the initiated the return of our robotninja lord and savior. Behold! As the first of countless dominoes begins to fall, so begins the end of human involvement in the creation of music. Let no man say, in his heart of hearts, that he was not forewarned.

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This piano playing robot, simple though he be, is to some a mere curiosity and an innocent diversion towards which your pitiable human consciousness may be temporarily engaged. But to the enlightened ninja-bot, it is no less than a galactic herald, signaling the approach of a planet devouring leviathan, along with its demonic horde of soulless, mechanized musical androids. As the robeast approaches, we would do well to remember where we keep our gobots and voltrons.

The Robotninja is 5 robot-lions

Posted: November 19th, 2009
at 3:15pm

Categories: r0b0t ninja,robots

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Asimo Robot: Running shit

Holiest of holies, ninjiest of ninjas:

The robot developers over at Honda have exponentially increased the capability of their inferior ASIMO brand robots, such that they may now further imitate their bipedal, warlike and endlessly vain creators. Taking the proverbial leap from walking to running, these whiter-than-white, plastic, future overlords of the human race have come so much closer to realizing their ultimate goal. This thing is one laser pistol away from slaughtering its creators, building a factory to reproduce itself, and becoming robo-lord of the planet.


Behold the robo-swagger.

Posted: August 20th, 2009
at 11:40am

Categories: r0b0t ninja,robots

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Laser Guided Robots

Will soon be upon you, myninjas.


The nascent electrophiliacs over at Healthcare Robotics have reached a new tier in human-robot relations, with their “clickable world” project. Using green lasers no doubt reverse engineered from my patented Robotninja-third-eye-Shiva blast (as seen above), they seek to realize mankind’s most ancient dream, of commanding all robots to do their bidding, obeying even the most trivial of orders: from “pick up that coffee mug over there” to “slaughter these defenseless villagers”. According to a researcher:

In our object fetching application there are initially virtual buttons surrounding objects within the environment. If the user illuminates an object (“clicks it”) the robot moves to the object, grasps it, and lifts it up. Once the robot has an object in its hand, a separate set of virtual buttons get mapped onto the world. At this point, clicking near a person tells the robot to deliver the object to the person. Clicking on a tabletop tells the robot to place the object on the table. While clicking on the floor tells the robot to move to the selected location.

Meanwhile, your robotninja overlord communicates his robo-desires by simply using electro-telepathy. Good luck with that, mankind.

Posted: July 30th, 2009
at 8:31am

Categories: Previews,robots

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Return of MechaGodzilla

You must prepare yourselves for what’s coming, my ninjas.

Mankind will forever remain a mystery to me: the denizens of Japan have put into production 1/100 scale model replicas of the fearsome robo-beast, MechaGodzilla, in an obvious attempt to anger the MechaGodz themselves, bringing its wrath unto all enemies.  For $800 you too can own a miniature abomination, a suitable idol for robot demons.
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We robotninja both fear and worship the giant robot space-lizard, who is capable of so many things we can only dream of. As we all know, MechaGodzilla is made from indestructible space titanium alloy and is equipped with a powerful laser that fires from the mouth of a head that can rotate 360 degrees. The robot’s fingers and toes are actually deadly missiles, and hidden within the beast’s chest is, of course, the fearsome Maser weapon.

It’s only a matter of time before those Japanese start building 100/100 scale replicas.

ninja-lasers are the only defense.

Posted: November 13th, 2008
at 11:48am

Categories: Astronomy,ninjas,r0b0t ninja,robots

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Jaguar Supercomputer

My ninjas and non-ninja bretheren,

The US department of Energy at Oak Ridge has released this photo of its new, 284 unit supercomputer, stepping humanity’s computational powers up to my r0b0tninja standards.


Naturally, we r0b0tninja have been calcuating quadrillions of calculations per second a MILLION times a second, so you can only imagine the depths of our bemusement when we found out about this latest fledgling development.

You have now stepped over and into the void, mankind: what would once take the combined efforts of every man, woman and child on the planet 650 years to complete, a computer can now do in one single day…

Behold the pale Jaguar!

Posted: November 12th, 2008
at 6:54pm

Categories: ninjas,philosophy,r0b0t ninja,robots

Comments: 1 comment

Chr0n0tr0n – Intro to quantum temporal manipulation

Friends, robots, country-ninjas

For too long the realm of time traveling robots has been left to your Terminators, your Futuramas and occasionally your Time-cops.  Now, in the year of our robot-lord, 2008, you too can experience the various paradoxes (paradoxi?) that robots and robotninjas alike have to face in our day-to-day lives/functions, thanks to the efforts of the good people over at Kongregate games.



I personally use my time-travelling duplicates to intern around the robotninja office.  Though sometimes our ego’s clash, we respect one another enough to get work done.  Whenever problems arise, however, I am quick to dole out severe, crippling punishment to myselves, my superior orignal mind/body pit against itself in a feat of dualistic spectacle.  Fighting against and defeating myself isn’t ever easy, but if anyone can do it, it’s me.


And that’s where this game Chronotron can’t handle the reality of time-traveling ninjabots–in real life, I can simply slaughter any time-paradox creating ninja-droids at my leisure.  In this simplified version of a multi-dimensional, quantum-state fluctuating robot’s life, one is bound by the actions/inactions of your past selves.  This disgusts my robotninja sensibilities, but then again, so does nearly all of the works of man and beast.  I therefore advise that you take my opinion of this single shortcoming of what is otherwise a fun and clever puzzle-game with a grain of the finest sand.  Any of my other opinions taken so lightly, however, will result in the instantaneous and total annihilation of your dojo/laboratory.

ninja Robot, concern no is Time

Posted: May 7th, 2008
at 1:32pm

Categories: ninjas,philosophy,r0b0t ninja,Reviews,robots,video games

Comments: 1 comment

Blue Brain Project: IBM’s answer to the Matrix

That’s right, dear r0b0tninjamen,
In 2005, the powers that be over at IBM and EPFL launched an amusingly ambitious plan to bring artificial awareness a step up to rat-brain levels. Three years hence, I find that they have finally achieved the “impressive” and “groundbreaking” milestone of programming the full 30 million neurons composing a rat brain into simulated form.


Naturally, as an advanced r0b0tninja intelligence, I laugh the raspy, good-natured chuckle of the wisened elder as I behold these fledgling attempts at synthetic awareness. In 10 years, Moore’s laws of computational power will allow them to finally simulate a being capable of taking its own existence for granted–an important achievement, at least by god’s standards of man. From an article at robots.net:

“The project was widely criticized as “ridiculous”. With the recent successful conclusion of the project’s first phase, critics who claimed the project was “bound to fail” have been effectively proven wrong. The current system accurately reproduces the neocortical column of a two-week old rat, composed of 10,000 neurons with 30 types of ion channels and 30 million interconnections. Surprisingly, at least to the critics, the computational structure does what the biological structure does even at the level of individual neurons”

Fascinating to some,

mundane to the ninjabiotic

Posted: March 31st, 2008
at 8:57pm

Categories: philosophy,r0b0t ninja,robots

Comments: 1 comment

Ultimate Robot Fighting

The Japanese, the people who bought you ninjas and sushi, have pioneered amateur and professional robot battling long after Americans became tired of theirs. I have to say: no number of buzz-saws and claw hammers can beat the humanoid mechs that these japanese robot-masters do battle with.

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Balloon-head niggas knockin robots out the box (peace to Ghostface)R0b0tninja

Posted: December 4th, 2007
at 6:20pm

Categories: ninjas,r0b0t ninja,robots

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